Opinion
Buzzword bingo: Corporate jargon strikes back
By Lucy Burton
So much corporate gobbledygook gets thrown around LinkedIn that when an account from comic creation Alan Partridge was launched in the midst of the pandemic, his spoof posts seemed to blend in seamlessly.
In one update mocking those who spout meaningless career advice, he urged his followers to “be different, be you, be best” — telling them to flex their creative muscle as soon as they wake up by thinking of unusual ways to get out of bed (“roly poly off the end”) or attend a video call (“why not host the call while scratching your feet with a pumice stone, or doing some lunges? Again, try to be creative”).
No one wants to hear the corporate gobbledygook anymore.
It is just the sort of thing you would expect to read from real life users of the professional network as posts from job seekers and those angling for a promotion repeatedly border on the absurd. As the jargon-filled content piles up, parody Twitter account “The State of LinkedIn” has told its 200,000 followers it is back and on the lookout for ridiculous posts after months of inactivity.
With millions now eyeing new jobs as part of the so-called Great Resignation, the Alan Partridge-style social media content will no doubt flourish as people promote themselves after years in hibernation. Microsoft, LinkedIn’s owner, has already said the site has hit record levels of engagement this year.
But inspirational quote posters and jargon addicts beware - the LinkedIn humblebrag could cost you. The HR boss of one FTSE 100 business tells me they regularly scour the site for potential red flags. These can include a job applicant having too many LinkedIn recommendations (where connections publicly endorse your skills) because it makes them suspect the candidate has pushed people to promote them. Cringe-worthy posts filled with tone-deaf advice - akin to Kim Kardashian’s earlier this year in which the billionaire reality TV star claimed to have “the best advice for women in business - get your f-----g ass up and work” - could be similarly off-putting for potential employers.
The guff that gets applauded over and over again on LinkedIn is reflective of the corporate world’s bizarre obsession with jargon. It sometimes feels as though people, from chief executives to press officers, have just thrown a bunch of words into a jargon gibberish bucket and sprayed you with the results.
When I asked one high-profile chief executive what was the difference between an office and his expensive new “collaboration space”, he said, “you will see a work surface where you can draw up a chair or multiple chairs, think of it more like that. It will be easy to create moduli spaces”. Wait, what? “If you want to get people in a huddle you can get them in a huddle, if you want to get them around a white board [you can].” Right?
The corporate world’s obsession with mumbo jumbo is not a new problem, but it is likely to make a comeback in the post-pandemic world as the hustle restarts.
Marketing emails, which will have been signed off by multiple executives and discussed in various meetings, are hardly any better. An announcement about one merger recently stated that two firms have “come to a business combination agreement that will accelerate the adoption of additive manufacturing by providing a comprehensive desktop 3D printing ecosystem of hardware, software, and materials”. Eh?
The corporate world’s obsession with mumbo jumbo is not a new problem, but it is likely to make a comeback in the post-pandemic world as the hustle restarts.
So commonplace is confusing and meaningless business speak now that it is difficult to pin down who is responsible. When did people learn that it was better to talk garbage than simply say they don’t understand? How many meetings are being wasted as people with clunky job titles play buzzword bingo?
Employers need to call an end to this, but they seem to be perpetuating it. In a recent Reddit post about workplace jargon, one user posted a job advert that failed to say what the job involved: “We are looking for a dynamic and enthusiastic team player who is confident and adaptable. Responsibilities include supporting senior leadership and taking responsibility for duties and workloads as assigned. You’ll be a member of an exciting and fast-paced team working in a challenging environment.” Oh dear.
Of course, for every piece of corporate drivel there are other posts from workers which are perfectly clear and spark a necessary debate.
Amanda Blanc, Aviva’s chief executive, recently used LinkedIn to respond to the torrent of sexist abuse she suffered at the annual investor meeting and explained, in a widely-followed post, that the sexism she faces has increased the more senior she has become.
As companies battle for talent and potential staff dig out their CVs, it is understandable that both sides will want to self-promote. But please let’s not forget the importance of straight-talking.
That’s the end of my value-add thought piece. I should probably go and post this on LinkedIn now.
The Telegraph, London
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